Veteran readers know I am notorious for not  really being able to keep things of an awesome nature to myself.  Mainly this has to do with planned surprises/gifts.  It pretty much plays out as follows:  I obtain said gift, make it pretty, give it to its recipient and lay on heavy that it’s more than perfectly A-OK with me if they open it.  Right now.  That pretty much sums up the reasoning that had Trex conclude Christmas turns me into a little kid.  Albeit one that can drive and has charge cards, a kid nevertheless.  That doesn’t help with my excitement when I have something very…exciting in the works.  I’m pretty much wired to spoil my own surprises because I’m impatient to unleash them.  I should have the willpower of some omniscient uber something.  Orsaid willpower should be like Superman’s chest but impervious to anything, Kryptonite included.

Times like Christmas and birthdays are where I find Twitter rise in the orders of how extremely awesome it is.  More on that later, because it has been one of those ‘why did I ignore it way back when?!’ deals.  I’ve been able to channel those energies that would otherwise spoil surprises too early by tweeting my excitement feeling safe Trex won’t stumble across it.  While she has a Twitter account and a Myspace..she rarely logs on.

Veteran readers also know that when I embark on such things, they’re planned, they don’t ever go off without a hitch and I enjoy every drop of weariness, pain and absorption of Bad Thoughts™ directed my way when it’s all said and done.

This year has been no exception.  I called it Operation LCD 4 Trex.

Here’s the thing.  Trex was won over by LCD sexiness when I replaced the dead CRT in her room.  She didn’t want an LCD so I said alright, I’ll put the TV in the living room upstairs and put the new LCD down there.  This was agreeable to her [and we all know a happy Trex is a good thing].  When I turned on the new LCD in the living room, Trex camped out there to watch TV versus going to her sanctuary.   She made passing comments on how purdy the LCD was.

‘And to think, you spurned it initially.’

‘Hush it you’

That’s been well over a year and as it so happens Trex has been plotting. Of course with me, you don’t need to plot.  Just put electronics and new in the same sentence.  I’m really that easy.

So she says one day that to outfit her workout room all proper[her 2 bedroom condo and cook is like the universe, always expanding], we need [notice the we] to have a TV in there.  At this point, she makes the suggestion that we move the remaining CRT in Casa Primer [which is in her sanctuary] to the workout room and get a new LCD for her.  See the keywords?  New and LCD.  Honestly, she had me at move the CRT outta her room.  I knew what that meant- the kind of shopping I love to do.

For five to six weeks I watched prices for a 32″ LCD TV.  I figured my prior research would be helpful, but ye $deities, it felt like I had to start over when I needed to narrow down brands.  I earmarked for budget the average price knowing I’d buy the replacement plan to go with.  The Saturday prior to Christmas I walk myself into Circuit City.  I had zeroed in on a Toshiba.  I was giving it a good look putting eyes on inputs/outputs and well the sexilciousness of the pixels when a salesman asks if he can help.  Oh hell yes you can.

Turns out they were outta stock.  Figures.  So he asks me if I was hell bent on that particular one.  And I was, but fortunately I knew why.  I told him I was hell bent on 32″, 6.5-8 ms response times, a buffet of inputs [cause the devices are ancient in electronics years [no HMDI -gasp!-], a good product and it won’t break the bank.

So he shows me one, I don’t know much about Proscan, so I ‘grill’ as best I could without being able to consult the great & wise internetz [argument for an iPhone, crackberry, something] and I decide to commit.  Replacement plan included.

To say I was stoked is on the mark.  It was hid from plain sight, Trex’s Billem was at the house and I let him in that I had ‘The gift.’  Which would be the one I’d go to great lengths to make as if it did not exist.  Thus Op: LCD4Trex was officially born.

They went out, I took the opportunity to take the set out and hide it in one of the existing packing we have for the downstairs LCD that we had up the upstairs storage.  Then my OCD kicked in and I tidied that place up.  The ulterior motive for this was telling Trex I ended up organizing up there after putting something back up there would fly.  Because I would do that.  And well, I did.  So technically? Not lying.

And there it laid in waiting.  I had plotted with Billem to keep Trex off the proverbial scent.  I out and out told her she’ll want coffee and/or a walk on the beach come Christmas day.  Cause, well, it was either that, or I was going to show her her TV in my trunk before I managed to hide it away.

In the days that came I plotted on how I was going to get her TV set up in her room without raising suspicion.  I had established patterns to play on [geekery on the computer which would be reason enough for extended time spent upstairs, etc].  I printed up ‘mission briefs‘ to give to the people I was recruiting.  It so happened they were my dinner guests.  As I tweeted about the steps, I wasn’t the only person enjoying the whole thing.  So, to keep people appraised of  how I was doing pulling this off, I put together a mini site and updated it.

Christmas came and the first flag for Trex was the fact that in her stash was not a Mamma Mia DVD.  I told her I tried to get it in time, but when I did, it was on backorder.  She bought it, but she started suspecting.  I usually deliver on things she expresses are the most wanted.  Believe me, this felt like a blow to my perfect record.  If I were keeping a record.  Technically it’s still a perfect record.  I digress.

So, we clean up from the gift giving, get started on dinner.  I’m trying to be ninja updating said status page and sending out the link to all interested.  I also promise the last time I played any kind of military-esque game was Gun Ship on an old old machine in the eighties.  During this time I swipe her phone under the premise of moving it away from the hot pans, liquids etc.  I put it in my pocket since I’ll use it to lure her upstairs later.

The past two days I had tried to not alter my behavior too much to be noticeable.  I mask my activities by using the cover of cleaning up the living room, putting the new stuff away and getting the table ready.

Our guests arrive, we shoot each other with nerf guns, work up an appetite and dig in.  I offer up the idea of going for a walk, walk off dinner and make room for dessert.  Billem goads the idea on and then I recruit the rest of the team, passing out the ‘mission briefs’ telling them do not let Trex see them read these.  They’re all game.

So out the door they go.  Trex asks ‘You’re not coming.’  I lie my innocent little face off and said I’ll clean up the dishes.  Once gone, I make a mad dash to get all the items I had stowed away.  The cables, remote, DVD, the decorations.  I move the CRT to the workout room.  Set that up with the player, check it and move to the LCD TV.  I put it up and wrestle longer that I should have needed with composite cables.  On top of that they return early, but my team keeps Trex busy downstairs.  The dishes are definitely not touched and Trex goes to work on that, thinking and saying evil things because she’s sure I’m upstairs messing with the computer talking with people.  She was only partially right since I was twittering and updating.

I get visits from the team to see if I’m good and I tell them as long as they keep her down there, we’re golden.  I get the everything playing nicely, decorate it, take pictures as proof, place her phone on the manual by the remote and update accordingly and go downstairs.

Dessert commences and near the end, I call her phone.  Then I tell Trex ‘oh, A. Pam called, she said give her a ring back when you can.’  Trex asks where did she put her phone and I tell her I think I left it upstairs.  She looks unamused at the prospect of having to go get it.  Then she gets derailed slightly because someone makes mentions of her RC mini Cooper and she goes to get it.  She asks if anyone minds if she calls Pam back to see if everything’s OK.  And up she goes.  We all follow suit behind her seconds after.  I linger in the doorway and she observes that it wasn’t A. Pam at all it was me.

She didn’t notice the LCD at first.  I turn on the lights and when she asked why did I call I nod towards the TV.  The first thing she sees is her DVD’s playing, then she notices the TV.  Her face lights up and she, as always, tells me I shouldn’t have done that thinking I probably spent alot.  Which is the pot calling the kettle black.  I tell her she knows me better…then realize I need to clarify it didn’t cost as much as she’s probably thinking.  I show her the workout room, outfitted properly after that.  And she’s throwing a flurry of questions about how I did it, namely where’d I keep the TV??

We all come downstairs and she finds out they’d all been in on it, including A. Pam.  She sees the ‘mission briefs’ and I show her the webpage people had been following and ‘debrief’ about the whole thing.

‘Now I feel bad for all the mean things I was saying about you…Ms. I’ll clean up’

Billem tells me he was encouraging her to keep her distracted and I can’t help but grin with amusement born of mischief.  Later on, after everyone left I get the biggest of hugs while I show her all the functions on the remote she’s interested in, telling me she just knew something was up when I didn’t have that DVD for her and she knew other people that were able to get it.  If I could get a  hard to find book by way of Internet searching savvy, I should have had that DVD.  Technically, I did.